


When a Child Can't Sleep Give her a Walkie-Talkie

by hazel_winchester



Series: Kagura's Gintama Arc [2]
Category: Gintama
Genre: Episode Related, F/M, annoying everyone, episode 153, oh well it is okikagu soooo, sleep deprived, trying to kill Toshi, weird rival lovers relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-16
Updated: 2019-02-16
Packaged: 2019-10-29 12:06:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17807711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazel_winchester/pseuds/hazel_winchester
Summary: Inspired by Episode 153. OkiKagu version. Kagura is sleep deprived, so she goes around Edo to find a place to sleep... Oh, well read to know...This was transfered from Silver-Soul-4ever in fanfiction.net





	When a Child Can't Sleep Give her a Walkie-Talkie

**Author's Note:**

> Here is the promised extra for Kagura's Gintama arc. This was inspired by Gintama episode 153, well I turned this into OkiKagu version though. Hope you like  
> it. Please read and review. Thank you!  
> Disclaimer: I don;t own Gintama!

Yorozuya.  
It was a quite night with Gin-chan peacefully sleeping in his futon and Kagura  
with Sadaharu resting in the closet.  
Suddenly Kagura opened her eyes, black circles around them. "I can't sleep  
aru~."  
After knocking Kagura entered Gintoki's room waking the older man. Perm head with  
sleepy eyes looked up. "Hm?"  
"I can't sleep aru~"  
Gin yawned getting under the futon. "We've been through this already. Go listen to  
the radio."  
Knock. Knock. Gin looked up with annoyance. "You broke the radio. I can't sleep  
aru~."  
"As if I care! Last time I cared you ruined my beauty sleep. Not happening!" he  
shouted and hid under the futon.  
Kagura approached, but this time instead of rolling on his futon she started  
jumping on him. "I… can't… sleep… aru~ you lazy-ass perm head, do everything in your  
hands to put me to sleep."  
"Enough!" He throws away the blanket making Kagura fly away and crash to the wall.  
She rolled away looking at him.  
"I can't sleep aru~. Why can't I sleep? Why do I need to sleep? What's the meaning  
of life? Why is Gin-chan's hair white? Why do you have a perm? Should I get a perm?  
Will I be a red perm if I do? Will the anime be called Kagutama if I do? Will I be  
called Red-yaksha if I do? If I do that will I be if I do. Maybe I shouldn't be what  
I do. Or maybe I should be what I do. Or maybe you should try to be what I do. Why do  
I say I do when I do?"  
"STOP!" Gintoki shouted with annoyance. "What the hell is wrong with those  
questions? Those 'I do's' are making me crazy! Gah, my head is so full I can't think  
of a punch line. Enough, enough, enough, enough…"  
Silver samurai stood up took the vermilion haired girl by her collar and threw her  
outside. "We've been through this stupid episode and because of that I still have  
nightmares, so go bother someone else!" He closed the door in front of her returning  
to his sleep.  
Kagura stood up looked at the door and walked away. "Damn you Gin-chan, I'll make  
you pay for this. How can you throw a cute girl away in the cold? What's the meaning  
of your life? Why haven't you died yet? How old are you? Why are you hiding your age?  
Are you really in love with…?" She kept talking in a robot like voice.

Shimura dojo.  
"Megane, I can't sleep aru~."  
Shinpachi twisted in his futon facing the ceiling as he slowly opened his eyes.  
Rubbing them slightly to adjust to the darkness. There were two big blood filled eyes  
looking down at him just like a ghost from a horror movie. "Gaaahhh!" Megane shouted  
jumping up to turn on the light.  
Pale like a snowman with shaking hands Shinpachi put on his glasses still shaken  
from the fear he took. "K-Kagura-chan?" Shinpachi sigh finally calming down.  
"I can't sleep aru~. Shinpachi use your meaningless low life to put me to sleep.  
You're an 8 by life, your name and character is always 8. You're an eternal 8 you  
will never be able to become number 1 or even number 7, you're a loser for life. Why  
haven't you died? Just go and die."  
"IS THAT HOW YOU ASK FOR A FAVOR!" Megane shouted.  
Kagura looked at his futon. "Your futon looks like an 8, is it warm? Is it  
comfortable? Why do you sleep hugging an Otsu pillow? Why is there a tissue box near  
it? Why is your bin full of tissues? What were you doing with those Otsu pictures?  
Were you…"  
"DON'T SAY ANYMORE!" In just mere seconds Shinpachi cleaned his room.  
"Here I put up a new futon for you. Close your eyes and sleep." Patsuan ordered  
taking his place inside his own warm futon.  
Kagura lay there quiet for a second and then her eyes shoot open again. "I can't  
sleep aru~."  
"Again!" Shinpachi exclaimed with frustration anger mark on his forehead.  
"When I want to sleep I start thinking and when I start thinking I can't sleep.  
Why Gintama is going on for 6 seasons? Will it really be over after the 2nd movie?  
Why did we always fake the endings? Will we fake it again? What's the purpose of our  
lives? Why do we keep living? Where my relationship with Sadist going? Will I ever  
get married? Will Gin-chan ever get laid? Will Megane ever loose his virginity? No,  
he probably won't!"  
"NANI?!" Shinpachi shouted. "Why was the only question you found an answer was  
about me? Why do you picture me as a loser? Do you hate me that much?"  
"Die, Megane aru~!" Kagura said still looking at the ceiling.  
"WHY DID YOU TURN OUR RELATIONSHIP IN OKITA VS. MAYORA RELATIONSHIP!"  
"Shin-chan, you're going to wake the neighbors." Otae said with sleepy face, but  
still her usual smile on.  
"Aneue?" Megane looked at his sister calming down.  
Otae looked at Kagura laying on the futon, bin full of tissues and her brother,  
then once again Kagura, bin, Shinpachi, and again Kagura, tissues, Shinpachi and  
again, and again, and again. Then she smiled slowly closing the door. "My, my sorry  
for interrupting Shin-chan, but be careful you might get killed by Okita-kun." And  
Otae left.  
Shinpachi looked at the closed door that his sister occupied a minute ago and  
suddenly shouted. "THAT'S NOT IT! Kagura-chan, this is your entire fault, my sister  
totally misunderstood, she things I was… with you… we were… I'll be killed!"  
Kagura sit up and said like robot once more. "I can't sleep aru~."  
"THAT'S IT?! After my sister spotted us and she misunderstood, totally ignoring  
the fact that if Okita learns about this I'm dead you still can't sleep. Damn right  
you can't! Now because of you I'm so freaked out I forgot how I fall asleep  
before."  
"I can't sleep aru~" Kagura repeated like a robot.  
Shinpachi felt last of his patience crack, but he relaxed getting inside his  
futon, which he dragged further away from the Yato female. He sighs. "Just count  
sheep Kagura-chan, that will help."  
Then they lay there quite as Kagura started counting. One sheep jumped, two  
sheep jumped, three sheep jumped, four Mayora's jumped, five Gin-chan's jumped, six  
Gorilla's jumped, seven Zura's jumped, eight Shinpachi's jumped (see he's again  
eight), Nine Kamui's jumped, ten Sadist's jumped…  
He eyes shot opened. "I can't sleep aru~. Why was there four Mayora's where was he  
going is he flying to Mayo land? Why sheep have to jump? Why can't they fly? Let them  
fly right to my belly I'm hungry. Why was there 9 Kamui's? What's baka-nii doing in  
my mind? Will we ever fight? Will Kamui ever get a lover? Will he get over his sister  
complex? Will he fight Sadist? Where is my relationship with Sadist is going? Will I  
ever get married? Will Gin-chan ever get laid? Will Shinpachi ever lose his  
virginity?"  
"WE'RE BACK THERE AGAIN! How long are you going to ask those stupid questions, I  
told you to count, not to think. Why are you thinking now? Why can't you think during  
the day? Are you that stupid?"  
"Die, Megane aru~!"  
"Stop saying that. It's Okita's punch line, so stop mixing things." He shouted and  
then sighs. "Go take a walk Kagura-chan that will help."  
Kagura stood up and left, but before closing the door turned around. "Gin-chan  
says that when not used for too long *beep* rots away and falls off. Will yours come  
off soon? I hope it does." With that she closed the door.  
"NANI?! YOU DAMN LAZY ASS PERMED BASTARD DON'T TEACH CHILDREN USELESS THINGS!" He  
got under the blankets, covering himself and mumbled with teary eyes. "It's not true,  
right?"

Yoshiwara.  
"Ah? What are you doing here? This is not the place for children at night." Tsukky  
asked her eyes wide at the state the younger female was. Her eyes had black circles  
around them, her hair was a mess and she was still in her pajamas.  
"I can't sleep aru~." Kagura replied with robotic voice. "Gin-chan threw me out  
and Megane told me to take a walk. I can't sleep so I came here. Tsukky why don't you  
sleep? Why are you in Yoshiwara? Do you really like Gin-chan? Are you going to date?  
Why do you go wild when you're drunk? Can't you be cute like then? Why are you  
violent are you raised by gorilla's too?"  
Tsukky went red till her ears. "Stop spotting nonsense! Why would I like that perm  
bastard! And what do you mean raised by Gorilla's, that's Otae's character not mine,  
brat!"  
"As lively as always I see." Hinowa approached them with a smile. "What brings you  
here Kagura-chan?"  
"I can't sleep aru~."  
Hinowa showed a worried look. "My, my that's troublesome. A young lady has to have  
a beauty sleep to keep her skin smooth and beautiful."  
"Just count sheep." Tsukky said letting out a smoke.  
"I tried, it ended up me remembering about more problems." Kagura replied with  
robot like voice.  
"Then maybe we should see to the roots of this problem. Kagura-chan how are you  
usually fall asleep? Maybe something changed that's why." Hinowa smiled at the young  
Yato female.  
"I don't remember. I don't remember the last time I slept, it feels as if I  
haven't slept for centuries. Will my skin go bad? Will I stop growing? Will I ever  
have kids? Will I ever get married?"  
Hinowa and Tsukky looked at her confused since they weren't quite following what  
she was saying. A customer approached asking something from Hinowa and that was  
enough to switch Kagura's attention to him.  
"Why are you bald?" Kagura asked making the customer turn around. "Why do you have  
a mustache when you're bald? Why is your hair growing on your face and not on your  
head? Are you a monkey? Are you experiment gone wrong? Why are you wearing a pink  
yukata? Are you a homo? What do homo's do? Why did you come into the Yoshiwara? Do  
you like reading yaoi? What pairing are your favorites?"  
Hinowa smiled troubled at the customer and at Kagura stopping the girl from saying  
more nonsense. "Kagura-cha, this person is a woman."  
"Then why does she have a mustache? Do you want to become a man? Did you make an  
operation? Do you have a *beep*"  
Woman cried screaming and run away. "I don't look like a man…"  
Tsukky had a drop fall down above her as she gave Hinowa side looks. "Hinowa, we  
better deal with her before she makes every single person in Yoshiwara break in  
tears."  
Woman nodded and returned her attention to the young girl. "So Kagura-chan, how  
did you usually sleep during the last, lets say, last month?"  
Kagura kept looking at them with her wide black from sleeplessness eyes and  
finally said after a minute. "During the last month, after that stupid arc I've been  
sleeping in the Shinsengumi HQ."  
"Shinsengumi?" Hinowa asked.  
Tsukky let out a smoke answering. "Yeah, it looks like this brat has started  
dating a Shinsengumi captain. He was one of the guys who helped us in Courtesan arc.  
I told you remember?"  
Hinowa nodded and returned her attention to China. "So you probably should go  
there? When humans get used to other persons warmth it becomes hard to sleep without  
that person. So maybe your body is feeling cold from being alone."  
"I can't go there aru~"  
"Hm? Why? Did you have a fight?"  
"Sadist is away on a mission and he will be back after a week."  
Both women looked at each other troubled as if saying. With the whole week of  
this girl's insomnia, hell will break loose.  
"Then just sneak into his room and sleep in his futon." Tsukky suggested. "That  
should serve the purpose for now."  
"I'm not a stalker aru~ don't place me on the same foot as that damn gorilla and  
natto ninja." Kagura said with robot like voice.  
"I didn't say you should become a stalker. But this might help you sleep, what's  
more important sneaking in your boyfriends room or having your beauty sleep so you  
will grow up fast."  
Obviously Tsukky's words had an impact since Kagura turned around and without  
another word left. Well, it was better for her to bother tax robbers than them,  
so who cares.

Shinsengumi HQ.  
Without a problem in just mere seconds, Kagura sneak inside the barracks, since it  
actually have become the most natural thing for her. Passing all the rooms and lastly  
Hijikata's, being quiet so that he won't wake up and start nagging, she entered Sougo  
Okita's room.  
The room was dark and cold since no one was there. She took out the futon opened  
it and get in it. Sougo's smells surrounded her right away even though the futon was  
cold she felt comfortable. "Ah, feels nice, I might sleep like this."  
3…2…1… After few second she opened her eyes. "I can't sleep aru~ now I  
remembered everything that bastard have been doing to me and I can't sleep aru~ I  
want to crash his sadistic face aru~"  
Kagura stood up and opened the sliding door to Hijikata's room with a crash. "I  
can't sleep aru~ you damn Mayora how can you sleep when I'm awake aru~? Go die Mayora  
aru~"  
"Huh?" Toushi slightly opened his eyes to look up, but then cuddled back inside  
his futon. "Go play with someone else China girl."  
"Why are you still in this anime Mayora? What's your purpose in Gintama? Why do  
you like mayonnaise? Is it because of mayonnaise that you're always frowning? What  
did you do with Tosshi? I like him better. When will you ever get a girlfriend  
Mayora? Will you ever get laid? Are you and Shinpachi alike in being virgins? Maybe  
you like men? Have you been reading HijiGin?"  
"THE HELL?! What in the name of Mayorin is wrong with you?" Toushi shouted. "Have  
you and that damn sadistic boyfriend of yours swear to your life that you will be  
annoying me to death? Here I was happy that he left, thinking that I might finally  
get to have a peaceful sleep without anyone trying to kill me and now its you?!"  
"I can't sleep aru~ do something Mayora, dance for me."  
"Dream on brat!" Hijikata lit the cigarette. "Why should I even take care of you,  
go annoy that perm head of yours."  
"Gin-chan, threw me out aru~"  
After taking two deep breathe and calming himself down Toushi put out the  
cigarette. "Serves you right! Mayo~" Mayo-freak said and turned in covering himself  
with blankets.  
And then suddenly the door break, demon vice-commander with its futon flying out  
of the room and falling right in the pool.  
Hijikata stick out his head from unexpectedly deep little pool and spit the water  
and a frog that he almost eat. Kagura approached looking at him with those blood  
filled empty eyes. "If you won't help to fall asleep at least spar with me  
Mayo-freak."  
"WHY SHOULD I?!" Toushi shouted and came out of the water all drenched and he  
couldn't even smoke since his cigarettes were now wet.  
"Gin-chan says that if a person tires himself by working too much then they will  
fall asleep faster. So if I fight and kill you, I'll make myself happy by sleeping  
and Sadist will be happy with your corpse and a new position of a vice-chief."  
"WHAT KIND OF TWISTED LOGIC IS THAT?! Your Gin-chan doesn't have brains, it rot  
away long time ago. Even this frog had more brains than your Gin-chan and that  
bastard Bakaiser being the younger image of yorozuya they probably don't have brains  
together. Maybe their father and son, huh? Or no better long lost brothers. I  
wouldn't be surprised if somewhere that Gorilla reveals that those two share the same  
sadistic blood."  
"You have mayo for a brain, Mayora."  
"SHUT UP! And why does everyone keep thinking that happiness will come with my  
death. I'm ranked third you damn bastards. Almost half of the Gintama fans will leave  
this anime, they will drop it and our long waited popularity that is not there yet  
will fall. If I go Gintama will suffer."  
"No, it will be fine, once we put more scenes with Takasugi Shinsuke and  
Kamui-nii, also lots of scenes with OkiKagu hints and no one will even remember  
Hijibaka, the virgin devil vice-commander."  
(No, I'll miss Toushi. Without him it won't be fun anymore, besides without Toushi  
with who will Gin-chan argue?)  
"DON'T MAKE UP NAMES! Who are you calling a virgin you damn fucked up yorozuya  
beast."  
Door for other rooms opened everyone with sleepy eyes stepping out being woken up  
by all the shouting.  
Kondo approached them rubbing his head. "Toushi what are you doing with China girl  
in the middle of the night? Don't play with her, Sougo will be angry."  
Vein popped out on Hijikata's forehead. "Who would be playing with this brat, she  
keeps interfering with my sleep. Yamazaki take her to jail."  
"Calm down Toushi." Kondo patted his friend's shoulder. "I know you're worried  
about our little boy…"  
"He's not our 'little boy'."  
"But this is not the time to try to get to know his girlfriend better. It's  
inappropriate to talk to someone else's lover while they're gone."  
More veins appeared on Toushi's face. "What do you mean inappropriate? Don't make  
it sound like I am doing something wrong."  
'Eh? Hijikata-san, so you're in those kinds of things? How shameless. Roger.'  
Sougo's voice came out of nowhere.  
Everyone looked around as if to find where was he, when Toushi put his hand inside  
his yukata taking the wet, but still working walkie-talkie out. Everyone looked at it  
as Okita continued.  
'Making moves on my girlfriend while I'm away, you're a low life Mayora. Go kill  
yourself. Roger.'  
"STOP ROGERING ME! Stop putting me in a bad light, your girlfriend is the one who  
keeps bothering me, do something about her." Hijikata shouted.  
'I can't I'm in the forest. Why should I stop her? Let her kill you and make  
everyone happy by it Hijibaka. Roger.'  
'YOU AND THAT DAMN CHINA ARE GOING TO BE THE END OF ME. DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS  
WALKING DISASTER OR I'M PUTTING HER AWAY.'  
'Yeah, put her in jail for me. I have no intention of letting her out of the room  
for another week after I'm back, so this will give me a legal standing on keeping her  
there. Roger.'  
Vein popped out at vice-commanders head. "Don't involve me with your stupid  
sadistic games. AND STOP SAYING ROGER."  
'Roger, roger. Old man, give me more ramen. Roger.'  
"Why are you saying 'roger' to the old man. AND HOW DID YOU FIND A RAMEN IN THE  
FOREST?"  
"I can't sleep aru~" Kagura repeated God-knows which time already during this one  
night. Damn it, she was tired already, but she didn't wanted to sleep at all.  
"Oi, China girl." Mayora called out to her and when she looked he threw her a  
walkie-talkie. Kagura catching it and looking at it with surprise, then she looked  
back at Mayora. The man turned around leaving while saying.  
"Talk, fight, annoy each other to hell, but don't bother me or anyone else." And  
the said man retreated into his room fixing the door, the rest of the barracks were  
back to their own rooms as well leaving only Kagura standing alone in the garden.  
'Oi, China?'  
"Sadist?" She looked at the device surprised. "Do you live in a stone age? Why  
don't you have a phone? Even I have a phone. Stop using our tax money on sadistic  
toys and buy yourself a phone."  
Kagura was fully awake now, her voice and eyes back to normal, but there were  
still little black circles around her eyes.  
'When have you ever paid even a single tax, China? Besides I do have a phone, but  
it doesn't have a connection in here.'  
"Besides I don't have your number, how does it spell  
Super-sadist-king-of-sadists."  
'How did you know?' Sougo said with deadpan voice.  
I was right? Kagura looked with dead fish bored eyes at the  
walkie-talkie.  
'Ne, China, I heard you have been causing trouble because you can't sleep. One day  
without me, and you can't sleep? Are you crazy in love with me already? Do you want  
me to screw you that badly?'  
"SHUT UP! WHO WOULD EVER LIKE SADISTIC BASTARD ANYWAYS?! I was just passing by and  
decided to annoy everyone." Kagura exclaimed with frustration.  
'Oh, is that so? But you're not good at lying China. You were there trying to use  
my futon as a replacement for me. What were you doing with it China beast? I should  
send it to dry cleaners later.'  
"Like I would want to sleep in there. I was poisoning it. So that when you sleep  
your hair will fall out and you go bald."  
'Is that so?!' Okita said with calm voice totally not buying it. 'Old man heat my  
ramen more.'  
"WHY IS THERE A RAMEN STAND IN THE FOREST!" Kagura shouted, but then her stomach  
rumbled informing her that she was hungry. "Ah, I'm hungry. I moved so much today  
that I got hungry."  
Easily finding her way to the Shinsengumi kitchen she went through contend of the  
fridge. "Found some ramen and sweets."  
'Don't touch that idiot, those are mine!' Sougo half shouted.  
Vein popped out on Kagura's forehead as she sat behind the table putting  
everything she found in front of her. "Just how many bowls of ramen are you going to  
eat, jackass?"  
'Those were to give to Hijikata to kill him with mixture of spice and  
laxatives.'  
Kagura froze for a moment. "You put something in those?" Horror filled her face as  
she thought of spending the rest of the night in the bathroom.  
'Nothing, just a little bit of spice.' Sougo grinned.  
"DAMN YOU!" Kagura shouted letting out the tongues of flames and her eyes wide  
open blood filled with tears as she run around the place finally finding the big  
bottle of water and drinking it in one go. "SADIST YOU'RE DEAD!"  
'Glad you liked it China.' Sadistic prince said with a devilish grin.

Morning. Shinsengumi HQ.  
Hijikata Toushirou woke up after almost crashing his alarm clock for making too  
much noise. He couldn't sleep much after China girl woke him up and now he had to get  
up for work. For the first time in his life he wanted to play the role of Yorozuya  
and sleep in being lazy, but he hated that bastard and if he do this then  
jack-of-all-idiots will probably make fun of him forever.  
Hardly standing up and looking at his broken door with disgust he stepped outside.  
Last night he did put the door on its slides, but he still have to fix it properly,  
too bad Yamazaki wasn't here, he would have made the anpan man to do the job. Rubbing  
the sleep off his eyes he wondered where China girl run off to after he gave her the  
communication device.  
Opening the door to Sougo's room slowly he found the answer to his question.  
Kagura was sleeping in Sougo's futon, while wearing his Shinsengumi uniform's jacket  
and the young girl was hugging Okita's pillow having the most peaceful face. One  
could never guess that this innocent looking little girl actually went around the Edo  
during the night in her pajamas annoying everyone and almost breaking the  
barracks.  
The walkie-talkie was also there right beside the futon, Toushi sigh and closed  
the door slowly to not wake up the girl.  
"What a weird couple."  
She was sleep deprived and hopefully she will not wake up early and this time  
tries to kill them because she wanted to sleep. Well, it seems like rest of the week  
she will be spending here, which means vice-commander can't relax after all.

One week later. Shinsengumi HQ.  
"For the first time you did a job without slacking off Sougo. Should I thank your  
girlfriend?" Toushi said with sarcasm.  
Sougo looked at with poker face. "Thank our deal, Hijibaka-san. I'm off any  
patrolling for a week, right?"  
Hijikata nodded with annoyance as Kondo run into the room and sat beside Sougo  
patting the young man on the shoulder with worried look. "It must be hard on  
you."  
Sougo arched a brow at his commander. "What are you talking about Kondo-san?"  
"You don't have to hide it Sougo, I know that you and China girl broke up. If you  
want to talk then I'm right here."  
[…]  
"Don't spot nonsense Kondo-san, we haven't broke up."  
Kondo's eyes went wide. "You're lying."  
"He's not, he just took a week off to play his dirty games with her." Toushi  
explained with annoyance.  
"Eh?" Commander was shocked. "But I 'accidentally' heard Otae-san…"  
You were stalking her again. Both men thought looking at their friend and  
commander.  
"Otae-san was talking with that Yagyuu woman, Kyuubei about China girl sleeping in  
Shinpachi-kun's room a week ago. She even heard them argue about something and it  
seems like she walked in at the heat of… something… I didn't hear that part…"  
Before Kondo finished talking Sougo was already walking towards the door with his  
hands in his pockets and a devilish, most terrifying aura around him.  
"Sougo? Where are you going?" Kondo asked confused.  
"I'm going to visit yorozuya for a while." He said not looking back, but it could  
be read as kill-intend from his terrifying black aura.

Shinpachi Shimura's framed picture with black ribbon around it was standing in the  
middle of the screen.  
"Good-bye Shinpachi-kun."  
"NANI?!" Shinpachi shouted. "OI, don't mislead people. I'm not dead. I'm here, see. See! I'm alive!"


End file.
